War on Terror Responsible for Low CD Sales

As we all know, CD sales have continued to drop over the past several years. The thugs of the recording industry (RIAA) consistently blame illegal downloading and filesharing, but today a new study brings to light a startling correlation:

After much statistical analysis, it is now clear that the drop in CD sales can be attributed to the Bush administration’s “War on Terror”, the public relations campaign that it began in September of 2001.

The study’s most disturbing findings were:

  • 9% of Americans are now too scared to hang out at the mall.
  • 14% of all music consumers enlisted in the military, and now they can’t afford to buy CDs.
  • 2% of American music consumers had the last name Bin Laden and were flown out of the USA by the Bush administration just after 9/11.
  • By 2001, every single American owned Dark Side of the Moon and Thriller.
  • 30,000 Americans saw the video of Attorney General John Ashcroft singing and no longer listen to music.
  • All 5,000,000 copies of the Backstreet Boys’ last album were sent to Guantanamo Bay.
  • Guns ‘N Roses hasn’t released an album in 15 years.
  • Dick Cheney has been too busy crushing souls to keep up with his CD of the Month Club.